Edge Hill
Galley hill.jpg
Ivinghoe Beacon.jpg

I have never been very competitive, despite my dad trying to get me to get into sports and do well academically, I would fail. I know now that it was fear and lack of belief that stopped me. That came from dyslexia and quite a bit of illness when I was very young.

 

It was though that, as a boy growing up in the 70's and 80's, I somehow missed the masculinity bus and was therefore always assigned to the 'loser' bracket. Truth is I didn't want to fight my way to the top (maybe it was a certain level of toxic Christianity driven into me at a young age), I got scared and ran away (through fear and maybe fear of not being a good Christian, i.e. Turn the other cheek, don't fight back). This obviously led to more and more bullying, with my brain simultaneously screaming, "fight it!" and "run away!".

 

Running came later, but I learnt also to just stick it out, from about 14 onward, alcohol helped. By the time I left school the damage was done, I never really ever got over the lack of self esteem, never felt like I was going to be a normal man; confident, assertive, powerful, forceful etc. etc. I tried, right until this present day I have tried, its exhausting. But I did find a way out...

 

Photography and the natural world. I always linked what you could class 'gothic' to my impression of nature, it was my release from, and my reaction to the human world pushing me to be, something. There was this silent, non-judgemental other world. No talking, no competition, no need to fight. It was (and still is) so empowering, to feel accepted standing in the dark on top of a hill, or in a wood, it was so easy to imagine other worldly presence.

 

So this is the reason for why I create these abstract images and work in this way. This is a ritual, a exploration, to delve into another world that is linked to the dead and all their stories. I want to be so immersed in it so that I can't be seen. I want to seep into the cracks of the pavement, to hide within the deep green foliage. 

Nick Wiltshire - October 2021

London Wall.jpg
All that she carries.jpg

These two images make up a diptych

Pendle Hill.jpg
Evocation11edit16.jpg
Evocation12edit16.jpg
Coombe Hill.jpg
Bald hill 2.jpg